Married a Year!

Scottie Jones Photography

“Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.”  ~H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1916

A month before I married Kevin I thought he was the perfect package (handsome, funny, charming, brave, hard-working, and generous). A year later, I still believe he is all of those things, but now I know much more about him than I ever did before we tied the knot.

The truth is, every day is a lesson. When you’re married, you discover little things about your spouse that you never knew while you were dating. Some of them are good, some of them bad, but it all depends on how you handle those discoveries. Here are a few lighthearted lessons from our first year of marriage… :)

Scottie Jones Photography

3 lessons learned during our first year of marriage:

1)   Two TVs are always better than one.

I never realized how much we did NOT have in common until we sat down to watch TV together. For Kevin, a perfect night on the couch would include King of the Hill, Seinfeld, Storage Wars, Sons of Guns, American Dad, or anything on ESPN. For me, I’d rather see Keeping up with the Kardashians, E! News, or anything on TLC. (The only shows we actually mutually enjoy are Criminal Minds, Suits, and Family Guy.)

So you can only imagine the frustration that ensued when during our first move, one of our TVs got shipped away. Of course, neither of us could agree on a show we both wanted to watch and it was an all-out war over the remote control. Eventually, we negotiated a deal where we could alternate between each other’s programs. However, it was easy to see how much Kevin hated everything about Kim Kardashian’s wedding drama and how I was equally annoyed over seeing every single college football game of the season.

It took a couple months of compromising until we finally decided to just spare each other the torture and watch our own programs separately. Of course, we don’t purposely sit in different rooms every night and ignore each other. BUT when we don’t feel like acting interested in something we’re not, we know we don’t have to pretend. And not having to pretend makes both of us MUCH happier spouses.

Side note: Yes, I forced Kevin to wake up at 4am to watch the Royal Wedding with me. No, he’d probably never do that again! Haha

2)   Loving each other does not mean loving all the same things.

When Kevin and I were dating, we both did a lot of things together to please each other---things we didn’t always necessarily enjoy. For example, Kevin would go shopping with me even when he didn’t want to… and I would go to bars I didn’t like just because he asked me to.

But after we got married, we suddenly stopped trying so hard to please each other. I would flat out tell him I didn’t want to go out with him and his friends and he would blatantly refuse to go to the mall.

At first I got really offended that we were clashing so much, but eventually I realized the reason we click so well is because we are so different. I’m attracted to his manly personality. I like the fact my husband is more concerned with sports than he is with fashion. Deep down, I like how he’d rather go to the shooting range than the shopping mall. If he honestly enjoyed trying on new clothes, I think I’d be worried.

I’ve come to realize that loving each other does not mean we have to love all the same things. Having our own preferences, tastes and hobbies makes us the individuals we are. I love Kevin for who he is, not for the interests we share.

3)   Never send a man to a grocery store alone.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m very particular about grocery shopping. When you send me to the supermarket, I have a detailed list of every single fruit, vegetable, dairy product and meat item I need. I make a point to NEVER walk through the candy or chip aisles and I also have a budget. Before I even grab the shopping cart, I’ve already calculated in my head how much I’m going to spend. And, I’ve already warned myself to stay away from the bakery. But not my husband…

Send Kevin alone and you’ll see twice as much spent, plus junk food galore. You name it, he buys it. Wine. Beer. Cookies. Candy. Ice Cream. Chips. Dip. You get the picture. He goes on an all-out shopping spree, buying every single snack I’ve purposely tried to avoid the past six months.

I laugh as I type this because I honestly don’t blame him. Women are always on a perpetual diet and living with a woman who is constantly watching her weight can be downright boring (think FiberOne, soup and salad every day). If it wasn’t for Kevin, I would never eat DiGiornio pizza, keep beer in the fridge or eat ice cream before bedtime. I’ll admit, I sometimes throw a fit when he comes home with these “forbidden foods,” but secretly, I’m happy.

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On our wedding day, my mother-in-law created a “Wisdom Tree” for the reception. On the tree, friends and family could hang their best marriage advice and wish us well. Below are some of those tips we’ve taken to heart.

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Some “Rules” for a Happy Marriage:

1)   Always keep God first.

2)   Never go to bed angry.

3)   Never talk badly about each other to anyone.

4)   Never bring up mistakes from the past.

5)   Encourage your partner with kind words every day.

6)   Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

7)   Forgive and forget.